I guess I just have to change the way I think. I own my body and my mind so I can control EVERYTHING that goes on with it.
I’m bummed out about work. Its the routine. I dont like routine. In fact, I hate it. Making me lazy. But I know my job helps people and I know that’s what’s important.
Lord, help me appreciate my job. And my life. *sigh*
I still get occassional anxiety but thank goodness not as much (Heaven forbid). I still notice I get edgy when I’m out in a noisy place (even fun places with yummy food) or if something stressful happens at work or if I feel a weird kind of pain that’s unfamiliar to me. Although, I’m getting very used to it and it rarely happens. Atleast I know I’m getting better.
Things do take time. Broken hearts, healing wounds, clearing a clouded mind.
I am thankful for all the wonderful blessings I have. My job, though VERY stressful, is a blessing to me and my family in so many ways.
Sooner or later things will get back to normal. I know it will.
Had a slight anxiety attack that I was able to control the other day but I felt exhausted after trying to fight it. Really the worst feeling in the world. Talked to my mom about it and it was true when she said fighting it is like swimming againts the river’s current. It was hard but was able to overcome it. I believe it was the caffeine. I’ve been drinking it again lately and it has been giving me jittery feelings. But who could resist a cup of Dunkin Donuts brewed coffee. Its just too good to say no to! Haha
Life will always be an adventure, a rollercoaster. But I know I can handle anything if I put my trust in HIM who gives me strength. I know the Lord will never give me anything I cannot handle. I just pray He doesn’t challenge me that much because its been really hard lately. I wish I don’t have to feel this pain. I hope it goes away. Its like I cannot fully enjoy my job because of what’s going on inside my head and my body. But its my body and I know that if I think that I am healed, then I am.
Mind over matter.
Its been more than a decade. I have the paints, the canvas, the brushes, the easle but none of the inspiration. I want to paint! That’s all I can ever think about. I want to be a great artist like Van Gogh, Matisse, Leonardo Da Vincci, Klimt, my mom. Ahhhhhh people tell me I have the talent and I know I do but everytime I start I always stop halfway and leave the canvas unfinished for months because I don’t know how to continue, or I’m scared. I don’t know of what but maybe to be judged? My mom tells me to just keep painting and painting whatever I feel like until I find my own style but even that I’m scared to do. How do I begin?